how to respond when they say "you're weird"
Question:
The last time I was told that was when I was about 45 years old, not pre-teen. It had nothing to do with ticcing. The person who said it, my supervisor, was at least smiling at the time. My response, when I recovered, was "You’ve led a sheltered life!" which worked well enough. I don’t know that that would help your son, but throw it into the hopper of choices if you like. "Sesgardner" <sesgard…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20011218015133.09665.00000739@mb-fm.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My son is starting his second week at his new school. It is still a struggle > to get him to attend, but overall he seems to have a good attitude. Today he > came home and told me that in Science class, the other three children at his > table told him that he was weird, (for licking his hands repeatedly) and they > went on to have a discussion about whether he was the weirdest kid in the > school or if there were others that were weirder. > I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, but > didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of him > for not losing his temper.) > I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the children > specifically and all the children generally about tolerance. She seems like > she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. > Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types of > situations? He needs the words to say, and of course, needs to work on > building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced similar > situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has > worked for you? > Thanks, > Sara
Response:
> Katy says to tell your son that no matter what you do and who you are, when you > are a kid, you are gonna get teased. She gets teased about her tics, but when > she isn’t ticcing, she gets teased about being blonde, or short, or that she is > her reading teacher’s pet. The teasing will probably never go away but the > kids who tease about tics don’t have tics, the ones who tease about being short > are tall, the ones who tease about being blonde are brunette, the ones who > tease about her being the teacher’s pet, are always in trouble with the > teacher. Some kids are just not taught not to tease by their mom and they > aren’t the kind of kids you want to be friends with anyways. > Kim (and Katy too)
Kim, I think Katy gave some great advice!!!! Yeah for Katy!!!!!! SL
Response:
On 18 Dec 2001 06:51:33 GMT, sesgard…@aol.com (Sesgardner) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My son is starting his second week at his new school. It is still a struggle >to get him to attend, but overall he seems to have a good attitude. Today he >came home and told me that in Science class, the other three children at his >table told him that he was weird, (for licking his hands repeatedly) and they >went on to have a discussion about whether he was the weirdest kid in the >school or if there were others that were weirder. >I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, but >didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of him >for not losing his temper.) >I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the children >specifically and all the children generally about tolerance. She seems like >she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. >Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types of >situations? He needs the words to say, and of course, needs to work on >building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced similar >situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has >worked for you?
I will have to comment, I admire your son for putting up with that. I would have cried, or even worse, started physical attacks if one were to ever do that to me. Luckily though, I’ve been blessed with having hardly any noticable symptons. Although, yes, self-esteem is important. I would suggest building it up in his head that the opinions of others don’t matter in life. This is especially true in geek and "weirdo" culture: the kids who are the ones getting beat up when they are 15 are the ones who are driving around in Porsches, owning mansions, and having ALL the women when they’re 25. With this confidence in mind, it’ll cause him to be more tolerant of this activity and improve his school work. Yes, he’ll become an intravert, but as you may or may not know, Bill Gates was considered a borderline psychotic and had anger management problems in the sixth grade. You know where HE went… — Scott L <scot…@n.noospam.ewsguy.com> A I M <Klaaasher>
Response:
Please tell your son to explain Tourette’s to his peers, and that he cannot help doing those things. If kids understand, they will be more compassionate. Does your son understand his TS? If not he should!
Response:
I am a truly weird person. My husband shakes his head in disbelief when I puff-up proudly at being called "weird," or any of its synonyms. My response would be to grin devilishly and agree: "Oh, yes I’m weird. You haven’t even seen the half of it. Be patient, though. I’m sure you will." This is best followed with an ambiguos demeaner (could be good natured humor, but could be a peep at Psycho’s cousin) and an assurance, "Weirdness does have its advantages, Gentlemen." But then, I was thrilled to see a good characature of myself as a child portrayed in a movie. It’s spooky how nearly I resembled Wednesday Addams. Sara Wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My son is starting his second week at his new school. It is still a struggle >to get him to attend, but overall he seems to have a good attitude. Today he >came home and told me that in Science class, the other three children at his >table told him that he was weird, (for licking his hands repeatedly) and they >went on to have a discussion about whether he was the weirdest kid in the >school or if there were others that were weirder. >I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, but >didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of >him >for not losing his temper.) >I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the children >specifically and all the children generally about tolerance. She seems like >she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. >Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types >of >situations? He needs the words to say, and of course, needs to work on >building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced similar >situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has >worked for you? >Thanks, >Sara
Response:
I am a truly weird person. My husband shakes his head in disbelief when I puff-up proudly at being called "weird," or any of its synonyms. My response would be to grin devilishly and agree: "Oh, yes I’m weird. You haven’t even seen the half of it. Be patient, though. I’m sure you will." This is best followed with an ambiguos demeaner (could be good natured humor, but could be a peep at Psycho’s cousin) and an assurance, "Weirdness does have its advantages, Gentlemen." But then, I was thrilled to see a good characature of myself as a child portrayed in a movie. It’s spooky how nearly I resembled Wednesday Addams. Sara Wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My son is starting his second week at his new school. It is still a struggle >to get him to attend, but overall he seems to have a good attitude. Today he >came home and told me that in Science class, the other three children at his >table told him that he was weird, (for licking his hands repeatedly) and they >went on to have a discussion about whether he was the weirdest kid in the >school or if there were others that were weirder. >I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, but >didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of >him >for not losing his temper.) >I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the children >specifically and all the children generally about tolerance. She seems like >she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. >Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types >of >situations? He needs the words to say, and of course, needs to work on >building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced similar >situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has >worked for you? >Thanks, >Sara
========= WAS CANCELLED BY =======: Path: news.sol.net!spool1-nwblwi.newsops.execpc.com!newsfeeds.sol.net!newspump.so l.net!news-xfer.siscom.net!newspump.monmouth.com!newspeer.monmouth.com!news -xfer.nuri.net!feeder.kornet.net!news1.kornet.net!u-n-c-a-n-c-e-l-l-e-r From: taich…@aol.com (TaiChiMP) Newsgroups: alt.config,comp.lang.c,alt.support.tourette Subject: cmsg cancel <20011231004206.25398.00000…@mb-fi.aol.com> Control: cancel <20011231004206.25398.00000…@mb-fi.aol.com> Date: Mon, 31 Dec 2001 10:32:23 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 2 Message-ID: <cancel.20011231004206.25398.00000…@mb-fi.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 211.57.49.2 X-Trace: news2.kornet.net 1009794034 25343 211.57.49.2 (31 Dec 2001 10:20:34 GMT) X-Complaints-To: use…@news2.kornet.net NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 31 Dec 2001 10:20:34 +0000 (UTC) X-Admin: n…@aol.com X-No-Archive: yes Comment: Anarchy! Fuck You! X-Commentary: I love NewsAgent 1.10, Sandblaster Build 74 (19 March 1999) and the Polaris Cancel Engine V. 6.1 X-Unacanc3l: yes This message was cancelled from within Mozilla…not
Response:
Please tell your son to explain Tourette’s to his peers, and that he cannot help doing those things. If kids understand, they will be more compassionate. Does your son understand his TS? If not he should! ========= WAS CANCELLED BY =======: Path: news.sol.net!spool0-nwblwi.newsops.execpc.com!newsfeeds.sol.net!priapus.vis i.com!news-out.visi.com!hermes.visi.com!upp1.onvoy!onvoy.com!nntp1.phx1.gbl x.net!nntp.gblx.net!nntp.gblx.net!enews.sgi.com!news-xfer.nuri.net!news-hub .kaist.ac.kr!feeder.kornet.net!news1.kornet.net!u-n-c-a-n-c-e-l-l-e-r From: ljb…@aol.com (LJB NAB) Newsgroups: alt.config,comp.lang.c,alt.support.tourette Subject: cmsg cancel <20011230142435.17851.00001…@mb-fy.aol.com> Control: cancel <20011230142435.17851.00001…@mb-fy.aol.com> Date: Mon, 31 Dec 2001 08:14:31 GMT Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Lines: 2 Message-ID: <cancel.20011230142435.17851.00001023@mb-fy.aol.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 211.57.49.2 X-Trace: news2.kornet.net 1009790416 16916 211.57.49.2 (31 Dec 2001 09:20:16 GMT) X-Complaints-To: usenet@news2.kornet.net NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 31 Dec 2001 09:20:16 +0000 (UTC) X-Admin: n…@aol.com X-No-Archive: yes Comment: Anarchy! Fuck You! X-Commentary: I love NewsAgent 1.10, Sandblaster Build 74 (19 March 1999) and the Polaris Cancel Engine V. 6.1 X-Unacanc3l: yes This message was cancelled from within Mozilla…not
Response:
Kim’s daughter Katy is a wise person, and your son should take her advice seriously. The other approach is just to tell the kids that he’s going to be an astronomy ‘prefessa’ when he grows up, and they are all weird. Well, different anyway. At that age, you eventually find friends who accept you for what you are – I was a nerd at school, and mixed with all the other nerds who came near the top in science subjects. We were mostly concerned with out-nerding each other. Perhaps when someone tells him "you’re weird" he can try saying "you’re boring", if it doesn’t get him beaten up. We nerds are never very good at fisticuffs. Derek – weird, and happy with it
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Sesgardner" <sesgard…@aol.com> wrote in message > My son is starting his second week at his new school. It is still a struggle > to get him to attend, but overall he seems to have a good attitude. Today he > came home and told me that in Science class, the other three children at his > table told him that he was weird, (for licking his hands repeatedly) and they > went on to have a discussion about whether he was the weirdest kid in the > school or if there were others that were weirder. > I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, but > didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of him > for not losing his temper.) > I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the children > specifically and all the children generally about tolerance. She seems like > she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. > Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types of > situations? He needs the words to say, and of course, needs to work on > building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced similar > situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has > worked for you? > Thanks, > Sara
It’s just another form of bullying and it needs to be stopped immediately. Check out the websites below for some helpful things to teach your child. http://www.bullying.org/help.html "You are not alone. It’s not your fault. You can do something about it." My son’s been bullied on and off. When he was little I taught him some strategies to block it out. Like focusing on a point in the distance if some children were annoying him… getting himself to that point ahead rather than focusing on the children around him. Imagining he was in a bubble and the words and actions bounced off and couldn’t hurt him. Young children can identify with those types of strategies, but they take practice and the child needs to remember them when they’re really necessary. Changing focus does help though in a lot of situations. It got to the stage where if there was any real sign of bullying it was reported immediately. It’s wrong and it needs to be stopped. No teacher can ever tell me again that this is part of growing up and you have to put up with it. That is total bulldust. You don’t! Sometimes what your child tells you is only the tip of the iceberg. That’s always been my worry anyway. Some of the things my son put up with without our knowledge because he just figured he’d have to put up with stuff like this all his life… well that’s not right. He doesn’t need to put up with bullying at all!!! Sara, there’s some good links on bullying at this site also. http://www.expage.com/page/tobi4 I hope they’re of some help to you. They were for me. Lara
Response:
"Derek Wills" <o…@astro.as.utexas.edu> wrote in message
<snipped message> > Perhaps when someone tells him "you’re weird" he can try saying > "you’re boring", if it doesn’t get him beaten up. We nerds are > never very good at fisticuffs. > Derek – weird, and happy with it
LOL Derek. Me too, now. Took me a long time to be comfortable with my own ‘weirdness’ though. I certainly wasn’t as a child. These days when doctors or others are asking questions about past family history of unusual behaviours or even about things like ocd, tics, depression etc. I am so borrrrrrrred with their asking all this stuff year after year that now I just smile and say ….. I come from a very long line of incredibly intelligent and wonderfully eccentric people. Laraluna
Response:
>Sara, I hope you are getting some good answers here;
Yes, thank you VERY much everyone who responded. I read my son some of the answers before school this morning and he seemed to take heart. I will read him the rest when he gets home this afternoon. A big thanks to Katy for taking the time and giving the thought to how to help. I printed out her info so my son can read it over. You guys are the best! Sara (who is SO excited because she just shopped at the Scholastic Book Fairs Warehouse at their 50% off sale!!!)
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Kurlygirl wrote: > I am so sorry to hear that your son is having to go thru this. Some of our > children seem to take the criticism very well on the outside, but inside they > just feel down right horrible. He is very brave to continue having a good > attitude about attending school. Sorry, but I can’t recall exactly how old > your son is, but I went to Katy, my 12 year old about this one. She seems to > handle this type of situation very well at school so I thought maybe she would > be the best one to talk to. > Katy’s advice is to fist tell the teacher exactly who said these horrible > things and since most of the time you end up having to sit at the same table > with the same kids all the time, then the kids at his table should be talked to > in private about your son. She says the teacher should take your son and these > other 3 children to a private location, and then have your son tell these > children himself, in front of the teacher, that when they make fun of him and > call him weird, it hurts inside and he wants it to stop. The teacher should > take it from there and explain, with your son’s help, that he cannot help it, > and then encourage all of them to become friends. Katy also thinks the teacher > should explain that everyone is different and that being different from > everyone is what makes you who you are…it makes you an individual. If > everyone was exactly the same, then the world would be very boring. If there > are other children in class who are making fun of your son, besides just these > 3 kids, then Katy also thinks it might be a good idea for the school nurse to > explain to the class what TS is all about and make it a positive thing….like > include all the famous people who have it. > >> I think he just sat there and took it. He told me that he almost cried, > >but > >> didn’t. He is angry with himself for not making them stop. (I am proud of > >him > >> for not losing his temper.) > Katy says that she has felt this way before but as soon as it all gets out in > the open and other kids learn about what your son is going thru, then there > WILL be some kids who will start accepting him for who he is. Those are the > kids who end up being the best friends to have around! It is so wonderful > knowing who these particular kids will be because it is great being friends > with people who you can be yourself around! > >> I talked to the teacher about it and she is planning to speak to the > >children > >> specifically and all the children > >generally about tolerance. She seems like > >> she has a good idea of how to handle it without implicating my son. > Of course you don’t want the teacher to implicate your son as being a snitch > for telling on these few kids, but the kids in his class won’t always put two > and two together and stop making fun of him if they aren’t given specific > examples of what to tolerate! They need to know that the teacher is > specifically talking about your son so they understand better. (Katy’s words) > >> Here’s my question: What can I tell my son about responding in these types > >of > >> situations? He needs the words to > >say, and of course, needs to work on > >> building his self-esteem. I’m sure some of your children have faced > >similar > >> situations, what has worked for them? For those of you with TS, what has > >> worked for you? > Katy says you might find a picture of Jim E. that famous baseball player with > TS and have your son keep the picture with him at school. When kids start to > bother him, he can pull out the picture and say something like "Weird? What do > you mean weird? This guy is a famous baseball player and he does it too!" > Katy says to tell your son that no matter what you do and who you are, when you > are a kid, you are gonna get teased. She gets teased about her tics, but when > she isn’t ticcing, she gets teased about being blonde, or short, or that she is > her reading teacher’s pet. The teasing will probably never go away but the > kids who tease about tics don’t have tics, the ones who tease about being short > are tall, the ones who tease about being blonde are brunette, the ones who > tease about her being the teacher’s pet, are always in trouble with the > teacher. Some kids are just not taught not to tease by their mom and they > aren’t the kind of kids you want to be friends with anyways. > Kim (and Katy too)
Kim, I think you ought to hire Katy out as an advocate and a mediator! She is far ahead of most adults in dealing with things!!!! What a grrrl….. —
